Couples & Family Counseling
From early in his graduate training, Dr. Hill began seeking out extra coursework and clinical experience with couples and families. In addition to his 4 years of practicum at the University Counseling Center, he also completed a year-long specialty practicum in Marriage and Family Therapy. This specialty practicum included both prerequisite and concurrent graduate classes, and clinical experience refined his skills in working with married and unmarried couples, families and stepfamilies on such issues as parenting, communication, finances and adjusting to divorce. As often as possible, Dr. Hill also provided couples therapy at the University Counseling Center and at a Community Mental Health Clinic.
Dr. Hill’s style in working with couples, families and stepfamilies is to first get to know each person as a human being and to hear about each relationship in the room. Depending on your individual situation he may want to meet with both partners jointly, or have time individually before meeting together. Among other concerns, Dr. Hill will want to hear what conversations (and arguments) are already happening at home, and what messages or conversations are perhaps missing? Are there specific past hurts that must be healed before peace and enjoyment can be restored? How do perspectives differ between individuals, and do those not involved in the current conflict have unique insights or suggestions?
Dr. Hill works to rebuild mutual respect, peace, acceptance, improved communication, and forgiveness– which typically requires meaningful change by all parties. Finding the most helpful approach for your own relationship(s) will vary, so Dr. Hill will work collaboratively with you to choose a direction in counseling that is both effective and comfortable.
Dr. Hill’s Philosophy on Marriage and Couples Counseling
Some couples specifically ask about Dr. Hill’s personal philosophy about marriage or how he sees his role as a couples therapist. This is certainly a fair question, since no therapy can truly be “value neutral.” Dr. Hill leans towards helping people find a way to live out their original commitment to each other, if that’s possible. Sometimes this isn’t possible, and he respects this as a decision for each partner to make.
However, when Dr. Hill is hired as a couples therapist, his job is to help couples see what might be possible for their relationship before they call it quits, and to learn how to achieve this change together. He believes that the large majority of distressed marriages can indeed evolve to a much happier, fulfilling relationship given enough time and effort from both parties. Excellent couples therapy is complex, and may require 6-18 months to be fully successful; however, 6-8 visits should be enough to tell if therapy is at least being helpful and is moving their relationship in the right direction.
Dr. Hill does not ask partners to make a lifetime commitment before beginning couples therapy, but he does need to know from the outset if both partners can commit to working hard to salvage their relationship and will firmly take separation/divorce off the table for a significant period of time. If this cannot be established in the first few sessions, Dr. Hill will instead recommend some individual therapy for each partner to make this decision, before couples counseling can be successfully renewed.
Dr. Hill’s view of marriage and his role in couples counseling is based on a combination of his personal values, his professional experience and numerous research findings. In several studies approximately 40% of divorced persons express regrets about their divorce, with most of these saying they wish they and their spouse had worked harder to save their marriage. In another study, even 5 years after a divorce many people state they are not any happier than while in the distressed marriage. Given such information, and the known impacts of even an amicable, cooperative divorce on the spouses, their children and their extended families, Dr. Hill encourages couples to make slow, careful decisions about separation and divorce, and to first thoroughly exhaust therapy as an option to rebuild peace, love and fulfillment.